Birthday Spread: Ten of Swords

This is the card that scared me. This card represents where I am now. First of all, I always get a little nervous whenever I get swords in a spread, even though I love what that suit stands for. After all, it is my astrological counterpart.

When I first saw the card I got the impression that it was a bad card. However, something drew me to the card. I just held it and felt a very positive vibe. I see the spirit of the man rising toward the Sun when I take a second look at this card.

"You're facing forced change and the final resolution of a situation or the dramatic end of a cycle. You give up on a lost cause and get on with the true purpose of your life. Ultimately you feel relieved, accept the inevitable and move on.

Despite the usually harsh depiction of this card in most decks, it isn't about physical death. [It's about endings, treachery, and misfortune.] It usually spells the end of a relationship, situation, or a particular time in your life. [You may feel as if you've been stabbed in the back by someone you trusted.]

[Your loss seems worse than it is because it's unexpected and ends something you've been counting on.] Actually, the worst is over and now you need to clear out the dead wood before you can move forward.

Spirituality: The death and rebirth of the spirit signal the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. This is connected at a deeper level to the ego's release of some idea to which it has been attached. You may even experience a sense of relief as one portion of your inner struggle comes to an end and you have no choice except to let go.

Empowerment: There is little left in life for you to fear" (182).

This card isn't about backstabbing to me at all. This card is only positive.

It's My Birthday!

It's my birthday! I am finally 21 years old :o) So I decided to do a Birthday Spread. Except, I got several cards that I've never gotten before, and some that actually scared me at first. So the spread went something like this:

1) Ten of Swords
2) Page of Swords
3) Six of Pentacles
4) Six of Rods
5) Five of Swords
6) Page of Cups
7) The Empress
8) Ace of Cups
9) Judgment

Oh So in Love <3

So earlier this morning I came home from Matt's place. I was feeling so overjoyed just to be with him. I really love him and I love the way he makes me feel. I feel like I am on top of the world and that anything is possible. I was in such a good mood that I wanted that feeling to last, so I decided to to Tarot.

I just shuffled thinking about how my love for Matt was making me feel and I didn't think about anything but that really and I made four piles. I drew the four cards on top.

1) Knight of Swords
"Like the young Alexander the Great, the Knight of Swords charges forward, conquering everything in his path. He rides bravely into the storm, waving his sword, all bravado and courage, eager to overcome every obstacle. This card addresses the need for both a mental and a physical show of strength. It represents a brave and aggressive young man who is prepared to defend his beliefs.

When the Knight symbolizes a situation rather than an individual, expect a sudden whirlwind of social activity. This may include short trips out of town, gathering where ideas are exchanged, and a sudden, positive surge in your work.

It's time to stop talking about what you're going to do and just do it. Don't hesitate to express your opinion. You can win over any adversary with solid reasoning and logical arguments.

Spirituality: Your impatience works against you. Slow down, take time to process what's going on, listen to your heart, not your head.

Empowerment: Cultivate perfect faith that what you need will be provided before you need it. Be careful what you wish for" (105).

2) King of Swords
"This warrior/scholar/diplomat may be a policeman, lawyer, judge, doctor, writer, philosopher, general, or president. He represents law and order and the justice of the establishment. He cuts ruthlessly through what he perceives as unnecessary or illogical. He often has the last word in matters of life and death.

Due to his association with authority, this kind can symbolize the head of a company or a department. He provides wise counsel and although he rarely vacillates on important issues, he weighs everything carefully. The astrological element of this kind is air: Aquarius.

You're put on notice that it may be time to cut away from old ideas and beliefs that have outlived their purpose. However, be fair and logical when making decisions that affect other people. You may rely too much on your intellect; learn to listen to your intuition.

Spirituality: Your spiritual path begins on a mental level, through an intellectual curiosity about religion, philosophy, metaphysics. Read, study, research. Once you've found your intellectual niche, you become immersed emotionally in your path.

Empowerment: Your sharp intellect cuts to the heart of any matter" (92).

3) Two of Pentacles
"Think balance, adaptability, and equilibrium. You juggle a number of different projects and sources of income. This may entail working two jobs or handling full-time employment as you attend school. However, you don't feel overburdened because pleasure is inherent to your pursuits.

You strike a balance, but you do it with the cheer and enthusiasm of a juggler in a vaudeville act. There's a hidden magic in the way you maintain your equilibrium. You may be balancing a variety of projects or harmonizing inner spiritual development with outer material growth. Avoid spreading yourself too thin. If necessary, narrow your choices to maintain a balanced disposition.

Spirituality: By reading books with spiritual themes, you open yourself to new possibilities. You begin to accept the holistic view that mind, body, emotions, and spirit are intimately connected. What affects one, affects the other. You draw spiritual nourishment from the daily aspects of your life.

Empowerment: Your versatility is your greatest strength" (155).

4) Two of Swords
"You've reached the proverbial fork in the road and don't know which path to take. You keep procrastinating about your choice because there's something about the situation you refuse to see. A temporary truce or compromise may be in place, but the problem still exists. Sooner or later you must make a decision to end the stalemate.

You're immobilized by your own fear and it has brought you to an impasse. Ignoring your problem won't make it go away. The time has come to choose. By acting swiftly and decisively you can turn the situation to your advantage.

Spirituality: By practicing Tai Chi, you regain your mental balance and sense of inner peace. On a deeper level, meditation allows you to temporarily withdraw from your worldly concerns. Breathing exercises help put you into the proper frame of mind so that you can decide what you what to do next.

Empowerment: You've got a decision to make and once you've made it your life will resuem its forward momentum" (170).

So I make my own path. I have to decide that first and foremost. I choose to follow the path that I will create by listening to my intuition. And right now, I am crawling with anticipation and enthusiasm. I will relax and take time out to listen to my intuition because I will be in a better state of mind to begin my spiritual path, first on a mental plane.

The King of Swords, I feel, represents Saturn and it's influence this year. It is the influence of this card that let me cut right through to what I need to do.

Since I am starting this spiritual journey on a mental plane first, by reading and studying etc., my emotions will follow. It will match the emotion I feel when I think of Matt. This way, I become more balanced. Through this, everything will converge.

I have full faith in all I said because of the energy the Knight of Swords. I will charge forward and try to keep this passion burning by drawing on daily life. Every move I make will be one more step on this path I am seeking.

Past, Present, Future

Past) Queen of Swords
"This Queen is Pallas Athena, the great warrior queen. She is something of a dichotomy, however, because her readiness to do battle is combined with femininity and creative intelligence.

A woman alone, this queen may be widowed or divorced and is sometimes childless. She is probably an independent career woman with her own ideas and values. Quite often, she is viewed as sister-consort, rather than wife, to the King of Swords. Astrologically, her element is air.

You know how to cut through extraneous information to get to the heart of the matter. You tend to be outspoken, your tongue is sharp. Although you're usually fair and just, you can be vindictive. Secretive by nature, you're able to detect secrecy in others. Things don't come easily; you may have to defend your position and fight for what is rightfully yours.

Empowerment: Having overcome many difficulties, you face the future knowing who you are and where you are going" (99).

So I think this Queen represents part of my personality rather than a situation or a certain person. I feel like it represents strong will and determination and it was with that strength that I found out that I have to direct my energy into something creative.

Present) Four of Swords
"Incarceration is the literal meaning of this card. It can mean a hospital stay, jail term, a period of rest and recuperation, or simply time out for quiet contemplation. Whatever the form it takes, this four signifies a period of inactivity or convalescence and time away from your normal life.

Your strength is exhausted and circumstances conspire to force you to slow down or temporarily drop out and rest. For now you're stuck in neutral. This break in your activities is long overdue; use it to revitalize yourself. Take a vacation, go on a retreat, or just relax and get in touch with your inner self.

Empowerment: Put all your concerns to one side and take time out. You'll emerge renewed and refreshed" (173).

There has been a period of inactivity. I did all of those tarot spreads about the new year and I still feel like I am stalled. I haven't been as active as I feel the urge to be. I haven't been doing Tarot lately and I feel like I need to get back to it again. I need to feel refreshed. However, I have been hanging out with Matt a lot recently and that is always relaxing. But I don't feel relaxed when I am by myself, which is a sign that something is up.

I'm going to move all of my fears to the back of my mind and let the cleansing process begin. I will take this time out in order to think things through and let this process ease my tension and anxiety. I need to combine my inner self with the outter world. I am feeling anxious and I have a lot of nervous energy.

But now that I think of it, maybe this card means more of an incarceration period rather than it trying to tell me to take a time out and relax. All I want to do is jump right into the middle and make some noise. I want to start my path. The incarceration period is something I need to finalize my thoughts and for contemplation before I make a splash. This card is telling me that I need to do this in order to renew myself. To center myself. To listen to myself again, now more than ever.

Future) The Chariot
"It exemplifies the hero's journey and represents ambition, determination, and youthful energy. Its charioteer harnesses his power and talents and forges ahead, driven by a burning desire to succeed. Like Indiana Jones, the charioteer succeeds through a combination of self-discipline, bravado, and sheer willpower.

This is the 'go for it' card and its purpose is to inspire you to test what you have learned and to prove your abilities. Unlike the Fool, the individual who drives the Chariot knows the reason for his journey. You're in the driver's seat and you create your own destiny through your actions.

Empowerment: Through purposeful action, you achieve your goals" (53).

I can already feel that energy building up. This semester is when I will make things happen.

A New Year with a New Direction

So to keep in tune with the last couple of spreads, this all started with the thoughts of Matt and why the Tarot cards seemed to brush over our relationship. (They did, however, tell me that Matt is my soulmate.)

So I was thinking about all of this before the New Year and came to a few conclusions. First of all, with the break-up with Frank I found a new found independence. And I was feeling anxious about that new independence for some reason. Something was driving me to do something. It's kind of like the psyche's way of pushing you to explore and actualize an unrealized potential in your life.

And right now, The Fool defines our relationship right now-which is amazingly good.

And because of the energy of The Fool in my life, I feel like my energy is scattered. But that does not mean that I am on shaky ground. I was strong enough to get through the break-up (even though part of my way of dealing with it was to ignore it at first until I was mentally ready to deal; I basically shut out emotions). Because of all of that energy, I felt restless and wanted to do spreads about Matt and the relationship.

So when I tried to do spreads about Matt and they didn't make sense, I thought about the Six of Rods, which told me that I found what I've always wanted. I also thought about nurturing myself and I started to think that I should just listen to my intuition. My cards already told me that I found the man of my dreams. I just needed to let go of that fear that was still lingering for a little bit and trust my intuition and let that empower me. I no longer needed to do a spread about Matt.

Everything with Matt is great right now and this is a new year, afterall. So with my new found independence and energy, I realized that I just need to direct it somewhere. This matches with the influence of Saturn in the New Year.

I used to not really like Saturn or what it stood for. But now I gained an appreciation for it. It was the influence of Saturn that made me realize what my psyche was trying to tell me. It pushes you to realize what is important.

Ace of Cups

"If you're single and uncommitted a new love affair is on the way. If you're married or already involved, expect a passionate renewal of your relationship. Synonymous with the Holy Grail, this ace is a symbol of love that is intrinsically spiritual, which connects us to something larger than ourselves.

Think newness with this card-new love, new start, new appreciation for life, new fortune, new opportunities, joy, fertility, a spiritual awakening. A happy situation is about to start or is already in the beginning stages.

Your affair is no one-night-stand; this is love in the purest sense of the word. Allow yourself to experience the joy of letting go into unconditional love and acceptance" (138).

Work was actually fun. The district manager was suppose to come in but she never showed up and everyone was in a super good mood because of it.

I spent the rest of that day with Matt. I love him.

Six of Rods

"Known as the victory card, this six relates to the successful completion of a task, project, or business venture. You have overcome all obstacles, triumph is nearly upon you. With a combition of persistence, intelligence, and clear vision, you achieve your cherished dream.

Welcome this card. It indicates that in spite of problems or delays you've experienced, you win. It portends vindication and reward for your hard work. Whatever it brings, you have earned in through drive, amition, desire, and belief in your own abilities.

Romance: You win the man of your dreams, it's as simple and as complex as that. If you're already committed, your significant other sees your side of things; a deeper understanding results. You now know when to keep your own counsel, when to speak up, when to back off" (130).

Pretty simple. Matt is everything that I ever wanted in a boyfriend and I am scared that it is too good to be true. I told him how I felt and he texted "Baby don't be scared, this is all real, we will take it slow, I love ya." See, isn't he perfect??

The Empress: A Beautiful Start to the New Year

"She's the Great Mother Goddess in her guise as Ceres/Demeter, who created the seasons as a symbol of the ebb and flow of human life. As Mother Nature, she governs the cycle of birth, Death, and rebirth. She sets our world in order and grants us the cornucopia of Earth's bounty.

She represents fertility, practicality, good luck, and success. Her intution and insight crosses genders. Her domain lies in emotions, feelings, inner promptings. In astrology, her mate is Venus, the embodiment of emotional love, sensual pleasure, and sexual passion.

Your life swells with abundance. You're a nurturer who takes in strays, eases other people's pain, and soothes their anxieties. Your openness and receptivity make you a good listener and an excellent counselor. Your home is warm, inviting, and filled with good food. It's also your sanctuary, your sacred place. The Empress often refers to your own mother or someone with maternal traits.

Romance: It's a fertile time for affairs of the heart. Your timing is impeccable, synchronicities proliferate, you're swept up in a sensual passion of a relationship.

Finances: It's a good time for investments. Buy that piece of property or that house you've had your eye on. The check really is in the mail, that raise you've been hoping for comes through, your debt is consolidated, financial obligations ease up. By embracing the practical aspects of everyday life, prosperity finds you.

Empowerment: Nurture all that you are, so that you can become all that you can be" (46).

New Years day I spent with Matt. It was the first night of a couple in a row that I spent the night. I didn't think that I could love him more than I do now but those couple of days were amazing. We did nothing really, but I realized that there are always surprises with him because I fell even more in love with him.

What a wonderful card to get the first day of the New Year! I believe that this card wasn't just meant for that day but as a message for the New Year, a telling of the energy for 2009. I really enjoy this card, except for the fertility part. I think that in my case, it just means that I have to nurture myself and things will fall into place.