A New Beginning-French Spread

With all this talk about new beginnings, I choose to do a French spread.

1) Things Happening Now-The Hierophant
"Organizations, groups and structures are represented by this card: religion, family, corporate America. It's about tradition, ritual, the established way of doing things. It is yang, masculine. Its astrological association is Jupiter, which in astrology rules the ninth house of higher education, organized religion, and theological leaders.

You come up against the powers that be-whether religious, corporate, or family. This clash of belief systems help you clarify your own position. A counselor, pastor, teacher, or parent offers orthodox advice or guidance that drives you nuts. Ultimately, you make your own decision and find a way to incorporate your ideas into the existing structure.

Spiritual: Conventional belief systems challenge you and deepen your spiritual values. Take time to connect with you spiritual self" (49).

I have no idea what this means or what it could possibly mean. I was scared because I thought that it was saying that I would become religious, and I hate organized religion. I was scared because a couple days ago my mom and I were visited by a pastor, who was very nice, and convinced us to go to church. I had a feeling like I had to go and I was scared that the feeling would turn me into a religious fanatic. However, I just came back from church and nothing of the sort happened. Thank god, haha. Maybe I had to go for the contacts, since the pastor has friends in Maryland government. He even asked for my resume so that he could pass it on.

Just the overall message about this card makes me cringe. It just seems like it is giving no leeway for transformation or exploration. I am a very respectful person and I follow rules but the core of me wants to rebel and to question. I love my personal freedom too much to like this card. However, I did pull this card so am interested to see how it will pan out.

2) Hopes and Dreams - Queen of Pentacles
"This queen rules her home and office with equal efficiency. She's infinitely practical, a go-getter. You're seeking practical, tangible solutions. You come up with a business plan, a strategy, or a publicity campaign that your coworkers or employees can implement effectively" (97).

3) Strength and Security - Five of Pentacles
"The news isn't good. You've reached an unlucky impasse that produces financial crisis, temporary hardship, and insecurity. Unemployment or heavy debts pull you down. Your world feels shaky right now. You keep wondering when the whole this is going to collapse completely. This card reflects those growth situations where outsiders can't help you and you must stand or fall on your own. But stop worrying. Mobilize your energy toward positive goals" (159).

4) Support or Opposition - The Hanged Man
"Reverse your established order of doing things" (61).

5) Something in the Future that may Surprise you - Judgment
"A spiritual awakening. By the time the Fool reaches this point in his journey, he has learned how to integrate his everyday awareness with higher consciousness. He now possesses the qualities that he has been seeking on his pilgrimage: enlightenment, truth, hidden knowledge, and a sense of harmony and contentment.

Wake up and realize your real work and path in life. Valuable lessons have been learned; now put then to practical use. You've been given a second chance and you're ready to live a more meaningful existence.

Release the past and start fresh. This means pay off old debts, take responsibility for your life, and stop blaming and judging others.

Happiness doesn't lie outside of yourself. Honestly review your past actions, consider how you have used or misused your opportunities, then envision your future as you wish it to be. Once you do this, your life changes for the better. The ideas that you hold firmly in your consciousness eventually appear in physical reality" (75).

When I did this spread, I was confused as to how the Five of Pentacles could stand for my strength and security so I did a Ladle Spread for the Five of Pentacles.

1) Root Question, the concern, the issue - Temperance
2) What is Hidden - Queen of Pentacles
3) What is Emerging - The Hanged Man
4) What is Visible now - Ten of Cups
5) What you Scoop out 0 Six of Pentacles
6) Resolution: how it affects you - Six of Rods

A New Beginning-Restless Energy

After the whole ordeal with finances, I had this restless feeling. I was ready for the new semester to start and I had everything organized but I was still feeling restless. So, I did a spread about it. I picked at random six cards.

King of Pentacles
"As the embodiment of worldly success and accomplishment, this king is the proverbial 'square peg in a square hole.' Above all, he is secure within himself and in his position in society. He sets achievable goals, takes measured risks, and builds from each accomplishment. In his practical, no-nonsense way he keeps extending himself, slowly but steadily pushing forward.

Spirituality: You're feeling restless without quite knowing why. Evaluate what you need to feel emotionally fulfilled and go after it with the same relentless energy that has propelled you to material prosperity" (90).

Page of Rods
"Don't abandon your goals; success lies within your grasp.

Spirituality: Discover your bliss and pursue it. Free yourself of limitations and restrictions imposed on you by others. You're going through a season of rebirth. It's spring in your heart. Wake up and move out of the darkness and into the light.

Empowerment: Your point of power lies in the present" (108).

The Empress
"She represents practicality, good luck, and success etc." (46).

Knight of Rods
"His eagerness and energy burn at the center of his being and always propel him forward. He doesn't look back.

This knight possesses a deep spiritual center that even he may not be aware of consciously.

You find what you're looking for before you even know you're looking. The bottom line is to get on with it, do whatever it is you've been wanting to do. Remain upbeat and positive; these attributes help your current situation change more quickly.

Empowerment: Your fiery nature, confidence, and enthusiasm help you reach your goals" (100).

The Devil
"The Devil represents your own fears; he is the path of least resistance. You believe that you can't do anything, that you're powerless to exert control over your life. In order to escape his bondage you must alter your thoughts and actions.

Are you a passive chooser rather than an active chooser? If you let life's events make decisions for you, then you are passively choosing, trapped in inertia and feelings of helplessness. Take charge of your own life and 'choose to choose' (66).

Eight of Pentacles
"The focus here is on education. Hard work and practical ideas have got you this far; good luck carries you the rest of the way. You take great pride in everything you do and it shows" (164).

A New Beginning-I Fought to be Here

As mentioned in the previous blog entry, I fought for this new beginning. I was having a situation with financial aid and I found out that I couldn't afford one more year at AU. There was no other option for me. I was devastated and I hid from my heartache with an extended stay with Matt. He was very supportive and nudged me to face my problems very gently. I did an Evolution Spread on the situation.

1) The Situation as it Exists Now - The Page of Pentacles
"...Finances and education are primary in your life right now" (110).

2) How the Situation will Evolve the next Four Weeks - The Hanged Man
"Think transition, postponed plans, a life in suspension, stagnation and frustration. You need to do a one-eighty in how you perceive something etc." (61).

I thought everything was going perfect until the loan situation happened.

3) Someone or Something that will Affect the Situation - The Lovers
I had to make a choice on what I was going to do and the situation would improve. I had to choose between fighting for AU or not.

4) The Outcome - The World
I would get what I wanted in the end.

Matt nudged me to fight for AU and to demand to talk to someone in charge, like a director of financial aid. I knew he was right but I was nervous that I would get my hopes up just to be denied. However, I knew that I had to fight.

I asked what would happen when I went to talk to AU higher-ups about the situation. I pulled four cards:

1) King of Swords
He "represents law and order and the justice of the establishment. He often has the last word in matters of life and death. Due to his association with authority, this King can symbolize the head of a company or a department" (91).

2) The Chariot
"It represents ambition, determination, and youthful energy. Its charioteer harnesses his power and talents and forges ahead, driven by a burning desire to succeed. The charioteer succeeds through a combination of self-discipline, bravado, and sheer willpower. This is the 'go for it' card and its purpose is to inspire you to test what you have learned and to prove your abilities" (53).

3) Three of Swords
"Heartbreak, loss and disappointment" (171).

4) Five of Rods
"Be firm, stand your ground, and don't give in" (129).

I was concerned about the Three of Swords and asked about it and the Ace of Pentacles flew out while I pulled out two cards.

Ace of Pentacles
"This ace is about positive rewards for hard work" (153).

Five of Pentacles
This card showed me that the Three of Swords came up because I was so afraid that I wouldn't get good news.

Ace of Swords
"Strength in adversity" (168).

In the end, the World did come true! It was a rough start but I damn well deserve it and I will not waste it!

A New Beginning

Today, I finally updated all of my previous written journal entries about the internship and the past couple of months. Before I fully understood the story line of the past year, I was disappointed in the situation and disappointed in Tarot for having me believe so hard that I was going to get that internship. I started writing the Story Line and left it unfinished. I was waiting to get the internship, since I thought that was the end of the journey, before I finished the Story Line. However, that never happened and I couldn't understand and didn't want to understand for a little while. I did not have the summer I planned. I was lazy. I was detached. I didn't touch my Tarot cards for a while, either.

I want a new beginning, a fresh start. I want to move on from the past, but I do not want to forget that it is a part of me. However, I think that I fear that I will not be able to break away from the past and its heavy weight.

However, this new semester is a new beginning. I fought hard for this new beginning and I will not waste it; I will treasure it.

Make Your Own Waves

I found a note that I wrote to myself when I was first starting to learn about astrology and tarot. It says:

Whenever you're stressed out, your emotions have the power of the Moon. The Moon controls emotions to the point where the undercurrents of your own self match the power of the ocean's waves, but the Moon keeps going, and so should you. Just deal. The force of the Moon is pushing you into action; it is your psyche's way of a realized potential. Make your own waves.

I Found the Moon!

I found the Moon on Thursday, April 30th. I wondered about the significance about when I found it since I was getting a X for one of my classes and I was terrified about not getting the internship at the time. It meant that I was about to face my fear and I was about to find out that this "journey" was for balance and the end result was not the internship.