So last night I was feeling really restless. It was Sunday night and I had a full day of classes to look forward to. But somehow I still felt restless. I still feel like I did last semester in terms of the semester. I don't like this nervous energy. I thought of earlier spreads that I had done that were so positive and I just feel like I have lost that feeling. So I asked my cards if I was loosing my willpower and determination.
I pulled four cards. The foundation of the spread was the Eight of Cups and the Four of Pentacles. Above those two cards I placed the Seven of Rods and above that I got the Ace of Rods.
Eight of Cups
"You're leaving the past behind. You abandon a situation because of disappointment, disillusionment, or merely because things have reached their natural conclusion. Unlike the Five of Cups, which usually means that someone has left you, the eight indicates that you voluntarily turn away form a dying situation.
Traditionally this card is connected to the Hermit. You may decide to put the things of ordinary life behind you in order to devote yourself to the search for wisdom and enlightenment.
You're leaving a situation that no longer works. It's a conscious decision, based on a sense of stagnation and the need to experience other things.
You're feeling blue or fatigued, suffering the effects of this in-between stage when you've completed a life phase and are waiting for new inspiration or energy.
Health: The insecurity of not knowing what the future holds plays havoc with your health. You experience periods of depression, stress, and uncertainty. But you're moving in the right direction. Refuse to become discouraged, pull yourself out of the blues, and nurture a belief in your body's ability to heal itself.
Spirituality: You find depth of meaning in solitude. Your inward turning is directly related to the changes in your life. In stillness and meditation, you forge a new link with your higher self. Your spiritual quest begins alone, out of need, and through it you open yourself to all that has been lacking in your life.
Empowerment: You follow your inner voice toward new horizons" (149).
This is definitely how I feel right now, which is why I think that it is part of the foundation of the spread.
Four of Pentacles
"You want a strong financial base and you're willing to compromise your higher aspirations to attain it. You tend to be possessive, holding on to what is yours. Even though you work hard to reach your goals, your accomplishments don't bring you the satisfaction you crave.
Don't be afraid of change, and guard against clinging to the status quo. It could attract disaster. Open yourself to new ideas and the opinions of others.
You're clinging to what is familiar: a job, material possessions, a relationship, or a certain safe environment. You know that your fixed ideas of security and safety are holding you back from fulfillment, but right now you're too scared to change. You abhor extravagance and waste and know how to make every penny count. You believe that a certain amount of selfishness concerning your time or financial resources is needed to build a solid financial foundation.
Spirituality: Find your inner comfort zone and use it as a starting point for chakra meditation. Ace on the images are impulses you receive. After all, these messages are coming from the deepest levels of your being" (158).
This is the root of my problem and was therefore the other point in the foundation. I feel like the spreads I did earlier were telling me about my awakening. I saw what my cards were trying to tell me but I took no action. I was stagnant. Then after a while, I started to feel restless and depressed, ( I hate using that word as a feeling and not a condition but it just suits the situation).
I feel like with the whole break-up with Frank, I secluded myself from the world and form myself. I felt disconnected. I just went through the motions. Just breathe and live. I disconnected because it was how I dealt with the overwhelming sensation that my world was crashing down. So I would ignore all parts of me, and their extensions into the world. So I wouldn't go to class because the development of my career is important to me. I would just stay up to the point where I was so tired that I couldn't think and then I would sleep. I was always tired and out of energy. It was how I dealt.
I am doing the same thing, still. It was my comfort zone and now I realize that. I was wondering why I was repeating the same actions.
Seven of Rods
" You possess the ability to succeed against all opposition. You're in an advantageous position. Face up to the situation, take a stand, don't hesitate to assert your own point of view. Because of its connection to wisdom and knowledge, this even incorporates skills in teaching, lecturing, and composing. It's sometimes referred to as the writer's card.
You're meeting the challenge, whatever form it takes. Your next step is to tie up the loose ends of the past and get on with your life. You triumph over the competition by making your own decisions and relying on your inner strength and judgment.
Health: Maintain your exercise program, your diet, whatever therapy you're using. Your body's innate wisdom rallies to your defense. You not only meet the challenge-you move beyond it. You benefit from martial-arts training, Tai Chi, and yoga.
Spirituality: Your beliefs are tested by someone whose convictions differ from yours or by someone who hopes to convert you to another way of thinking. Listen to what the individual has to say, weigh it against what feels right to you, then defend your position" (132).
I feel like this card is telling me that I can get past this comfort zone. I also feel like it means that it will be a challenge to reconnect my mind, spirit, soul and body, but that I will make it. This is above the foundation because it is the step that takes me to the Ace of Rods.
Ace of Rods
"This card signals a creative beginning, the birth of an idea, a raise or promotion or a new job, the start of a new enterprise, or new challenges. Associated with this ace is boundless energy, fiery enthusiasm, optimism, and exhilaration. It's a signal to proceed with whatever has sparked your interest and excitement.
Think new: a journey, the birth of a child, a sexual escapade, or the opening of a business. Good news about work or spiritual matters arrives in the mail or by phone. A contract is signed, a manuscript sold, or an advance payment received.
Your head spins with new ideas. Now that you've laid to rest of most of your doubts and hesitations, you're ready to quit your secure job and strike out on your own.
Health: A spiritual awakening affects your health in a positive way. Your improved physical condition becomes a springboard for psychic exploration.
Spirituality: A rebirth of the spirit takes place. You broaden your worldview and expand your idea of what's possible. The mind-body link is a reality for you. Seize the opportunity to follow your impulses. The results will astound you.
Empowerment: Your bliss grabs you and you go wherever it takes you" (123).
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