The Empress

"She's the Great Mother Goddess in her guise as Ceres/Demeter, who created the seasons as a symbol of the ebb and flow of all human life. As Mother Nature, she governs the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. She sets our world in order and grants us the cornucopia of Earth's bounty.

She represents fertility, practicality, good luck, and success. Her intution and insight crosses genders. Her domain lies in emotions, feelings, inner promtings. In astrology, her mate is Venus, the embodiment of emotional love, sensual pleasure and sexual passion.

Your life swells with abundance. You're a nurturer who takes in strays, eases other people's pain, and smoothes their anxieties. Your openness and receptivity make you a good listener and an excellent counselor. Your home is warm, inviting, and filled with good food. It's also your sanctuary, your sacred place. The Empress often refers to your own mother or someone with maternal traits.

Empowerment: Nurture all that you are so that you become all that you can be" (46).

I was thinking about the New Year ahead and I was about to do a New Relationship spread when I shuffled and this card stuck out. This card is definitely setting the tone for 2009. This card also has perfect timing too because Venus is about to be in Pisces soon. I feel a certain strength from this card knowing that it represents the seasons and cycles of birth, death, and rebirth. She is who I want to be. I want to take care of myself and create a solid ground so that I can embody all that she represents, except fertility of course!

After this card fell out, I tried to shuffle again for the New Relationship spread but it just didn't feel right. I'm thinking that this means that maybe I need to focus on myself rather than me in a relationship or just focusing on Matt.

Past, Present, Future

Past) Eight of Swords
"You're holding yourself back from living life to the fullest. You project your fears and and inhibitions into your surroundings, then you view then as obstacles. The limitations you perceive don't lie in the outer world. They are projections of your own inner apphrension and anxiety. Paralyzed by fear of the unknown, you're afraid to break the chains that bind you. As long as you greet positive suggestions with expressions such as 'I can't' and 'Yes, but,' nothing will change" (179).

This was me when I was ignoring the break-up. Because I was ignoring it, I didn't deal with it which meant that I was stuck and couldn't move on.

Present) The Fool
"He represents the unlimited potential of the human spirit, purity of action untouched by experience. The Fool is no fool, but an innocent who embraces whatever life brings. His open mind, the spimplicity of his motives, and his sheer exuberance leave no room for doubt or fear. He possesses the imagination, creativity, and innate wisdom of a child, and like a child, he rushes forward without hesitation. He trusts his instincts.

Romance: You're not ready to make a commitment, even though you may be pressured to do so. You're having too much fun to be tied down, you're too restless to stick to one person" (41).

Actually, the romance definition is completely wrong for me. For me, this card is about taking chances on love and not worrying about the consequences. That is exactly what I did with Matt. The energy of the Fool is inherient within our relationship.

Future) Nine of Pentacles
"You achieve material comfort, financial security, and a sense of inner peace. You enjoy relationships, but when you're alone you're not lonely. You relish the personal enviornment you created: your home, your garden, your pets and comfortable lifestyle. You don't depend upon constant companionship to make you feel complete.

Financial protection and security allow you to use your resources to create a harmonious home and office enviornment. You find immense pleasure in gardening and beautifying your surroundings. Self-reliance is the key to your prosperity; you follow your own star. Pleased that you are able to make your own way based on talent and ability, you are nonetheless thrilled when recognized or praised for your accomplishments" (165).

I am looking forward to seeing how this card plays out.

An Experience with a Palm Reader

So sometime during early November to mid-November Jessie took me to see a plam reader in Georgetown. She read both of my palms together. I cannot remember everything she said exactly but I remember a few important deails.

For one, she saw David and said that he wasn't good for me anymore. She said that we wouldn't even be friends. She also said that a beautiful relationship would start in December and that it would last an extremely long time. He would have light hair, she said.

She mentioned that I would also have a wonderful marriage and three kids.

She had a lot to say about my future career. She said that come March, I would find my niche and that wonderful news would come about my career. She said that my hands were meant for healing and a whole lot else that I can't remember.

So as I'm reflecting on this now, she was true about David. David was good for a rebound so that I could fully get over Frank. He started to get on my nerves because he was just so boring and I didn't feel like I could actually be myself. Then I just lost interest. However, after that ended I met up randomly with Matt and we just connected. Even though he doesn't have light hair, we started dating on November 30th, which is pretty damn close to December.

Thinking about what she said about my career, shortly after I visited her I did several spreads. Thinking about my career, I asked if I was going in the right direction.

1) The Devil
2) The Tower
3) Justice
4) Ace of Pentacles

I then asked how I even get my life back together.

1) The magician
2) The Emperor
3) Nine of Swords
4) Ace of Pentacles
5) Ten of Pentacles
6) Six of Rods

What's holding me back?

1) Ace of Rods
2) The Empress

Reality Shift Spread

1) The directions you're giving your inner self now
2) How your external reality reflects this
3) How to empower your inner self to change your reality
4) How your outer self will respond to this new directive
5) How your life will shift as a result
6) What you will create
7) Your new path


1) Ten of Swords
2) King of Swords
3) Ace of Swords
4) Five of Rods
5) Queen of Pentacles
6) Five of Cups
7) Two of Cups


This spread was done sometime after the break-up. It was definitly my reality for that period of my life.

What's On My Mind

This was also after I hung out with David the second time. At this point, I was having so much fun with David but I was still feeling heartache for Frank. I was just thinking about everything and pulled out four random cards.

1) Seven of Pentacles
2) Eight of Cups
3) The World
4) Ace of Swords

So I pulled four more cards.

1) Seven of Rods
2) The World
3) Seven of Pentacles
4) The Eight of Swords

Actually, the Wednesday after the second time I spent time with David I gathered all of the sentimental keepsakes that reminded me of Frank and made the boyfriend box.

Past, Present and Future

I did a past, present, future spread after the second time I hung out with David (when I accidently locked myself out of my house).

Past) Nine of Rods
Present) Four of Cups
Future) The Star

The Star

I asked if Frank was the Knight of Pentacles that I pulled earlier. So I picked The Star. I first pulled out three other cards and put them aside because The Star had a stronger pull on me.

Question About the Knight of Pentacles

This card came up in the previous spread. I shuffled again and asked what the Knight meant and two cards just fell out.

1) The Moon
2) Eight of Swords

Future with Frank?

I asked if my future contained Frank because of what the Five of Cups said.

1) Nine of Cups
2) The Hanged Man
3) Judgement
4) Knight of Pentacles

Five of Cups

So after I asked my cards if I did the right thing by breaking up with Frank I tried shuffling the cards again and the Five of Cups fell out.

"There's no way around it: This card is about disappointment, regret and loss. It sometimes refers to an individual who has trouble releasing the past or has experienced an emotional loss that led to complete absorption in sorrow.

There may be an obsession over past wrongs. The bottom line is that it's time to pick up the pieces and go forward.

What's gone is gone. Concentrate on what you have left, not on what you've lost. Take time to experience your grief and disappointment, then move on. It's unwise to try to hide from your feelings, but is equally damaging to cling to unhappy memories. Examine your situation and see what you can learn from your distressing experiences. Then turn your bak on the past and lay the foundation for your future.

Romance: The end of a relationship has left you feeling bereft, adrift, consumed with your loss. You want your former lover to return, but it's not going to happen. You and your depression keep each other company. Unable to face the emotioanl demands of a new relationship, you rebuff potential romantic partners" (MacGregor).

That was exactly how I felt then. I got scared when it said that I should move on and that I wouldn't get back together with Frank. At that time, I was hoping that we would break up and after we both had a chance to grow up that we would reunite. I brushed that aside but I now realize that it was speaking the truth.

I did hide from my feeligngs for a little after the break-up. I would stay up late to the point where I was just so tired that I could fall asleep right away so I wouldn't have to think about it. However, I am dealing with the break-up head-on. On a side note, I thought it was funny that it said that I would rebuff potential romantic partners because I blew Connor off immediately.

Did I Do the Right Thing?

After Frank left I did several spreads. I first asked my cards if I did the right thing by breaking up with him. This time I just cut the deck into four piles after shuffling.

1) Strength
2) Two of Swords
3) Six of Swords
4) Justice

Update of The Lovers

So much has happened since I last wrote an entry. First of all, Frank and I broke up. In a past entry, I mentioned what The Lovers revealed and I said that Frank and I were better than ever. Well, I was in denial.

These past couple of weeks have been a blur to me. First there was Conor, who I am now annoyed with since he is being so clingy, then the break with Frank, then David. The morning after I broke up with Frank I did my Tarot. I was so distraught with everything that I did not even touch my cards since then for what seemed to me like forever.

Then I hung out with David. October 10th is when everything changed for me. I'm really starting to fall hard and I picked up Tarot again. Now that I am actually dealing with the break-up and not just ignoring the situation, I am able to face my cards again. So with that said, here are the several spreads I did since my last entry.

Strength Sread

After the previous spread, I tried to ask the cards what will help me in all of this but I felt too scattered. I was thinking too much, I guess. So I did a Strength Spread.

1. Your greatest strength.
2. How you can enhance this strength.
3. How you can apply it to a relationship, project, or event.
4. What this strength brings you.

1. Ace of Swords
2. Moon.
3. Five of Rods
4. Six of Pentacles. (I had this card and another but I felt that this card was better.)

Pivital Moment Spread

After doing the internship spread, I still had more questions. I asked the cards whether this was the semester that everything changes; whether this is the pivital moment in my life or whether this is the time where I answer my calling, whatever that may be. I thought about all of this while I pulled three more cards.

1. The Fool
2. Two of Cups
3. The Hermit

Internship Spread

I wasn't thinking about any one internship in particular but just the general idea of wanting one and which one would suit me more. So I just pulled four cards.

1. Seven of Rods
2. Queen of Rods
3. Nine of Swords
4. Tow of Swords

Past, Present, Future

This is the first spread that I did after one week of classes.

Past = Queen of Pentacles

Present = Four of Cups

Future = Death

Now That the Fog has Cleared...

So I did several spreads after one week of classes way back in late August. I never wrote about them in my journal because I was stressed out from work and classes and the influence of The Lovers. But now I am feeling restless and I want to do my Tarot.

I really want to keep up with this journal because it is really important to me. But I don't know if I will ever have the time I want to devote to this.

So I think that I am going to just write down what cards I got without explaining anything so that I can at least look it up later when I have more time. I just feel like I'm being pulled in several directions or that I might be stretching myself too thin. But I have to do this. I have to prove it to myself...

The Lovers

So I got this card in my Direction Spread. At the time I didn't understand what it meant because it was suppose to tell me what I was moving toward. Now I completely understand what it was trying to tell me.

I have been dating Frank for close to three and a half years. Sandy dragged me along with her to meet her friend from GW. That was the night I met Conor. I was instantly attracted and developed a sort of crush on him. Well, that whole week I was completely torn between the two.

I told Frank. It was weird because he was oddly intuitive. The same week I liked Conor was the week where he just felt like something had happened. I don't know if that is because he knows me so well or because he really just is intuitive when it comes to matters of the heart. Anyways, that caused us to look closer at our relationship. It broght out issues that we didn't know we had; he admitted that he was insecure and I realized that I was feeling confined. We worked through it, though.

We are now more solid than ever. I still sometimes think about Conor though. I think I liked the idea itself more than Conor.

But seriously, how can I not believe in Tarot after this? Even if it doesn't make sense at the time, the cards never lie.

Apathy Spread

After I did the Connection spread, I wanted to know more about why I was in such a slump. I did this spread without any help from Amanda. I drew three cards.

1) Death.
"Don't panic: The Death card doesn't mean physical death. It's about transition, transformations, rebirth, and permanent change. This revitalizing force sweeps away the old to make way for the new. The change symbolized by Death is permanent: You go through a door and it slams shut behind you forever. The astrological correspondence is Scorpio and hte eighth house of death and regeneration.

Comparable to the Tower, this card indicates that change is required. If you don't change willingly, something will slam into your life that forces you to change. Then, like the phoenix, you rise reborn from the ashes of your old life.

Are you afraid of the future? Do you have a compulsion to cling to old situations no matter what the cost? If so, then expect a complete turnaround. Superficial changes aren't enough for now; the old situation must be turned inside out. The devestating changes you expeience seem so hopeless you nearly surrender to despair. Then, quite suddenly, your situation improves. You can breathe again" (MacGregor, 63).

2) Four of Cups.
"Suffused with apathy, you don't recognize new opportunity when it's presented. Take a second look; it may be better than you think. You have a lot going for you but are too full of discontent and self-pity to appreciate what you've got.

If you're experiencing occasional periods of mental and physical laziness, a fresh idea or interesting project will provide new momentum. This four is sometimes a wake-up call to reocognize that your depression may be more than just a passing mood.

You have choices but consider them to be without merit. Even when someone offers you an opportunity, you greet it with dissain. Perhaps you're jaded by the good things in life; perhaps you're simply in a period where the future seems bleak. Whatever the cause, you're disregarding opportunities for growth, renewed happiness, and satisfaction" (142).

3) Page of Pentacles.
"Pages...represent messages or communication. They usually pertain to the beginning of whatever is represented by their suit," which in this case pertains to prosperity and manifestation (107).

"He is the student/apprentice of the Tarot. He signifies the type of enthusiasm and wonder that young children bring to new projects. Totally fascinated with his studies, he makes a little distinction between work and play. Think of him as the equivalent of the computer nerd who is completely immersed in his vertual world.

Like the Fool, the page of pentacles is a perpetual beginner. There is a strong connection to the energy of the earth and to the solitary journey of the vision quest. Life is seen as a continual rite of initiation.

Practical idealism, finances, and education are primary in your life right now. Your enthusiasm infects others and carries you in to a state of mind where work and play become interchangeable. Expect messages regarding money, contract negotiations, all forms of financial wheeling and dealing" (110).

I feel that I got the Death card first because it was the most important. It was the overall message or reason for my apathy. The Four of Cups explained my situation perfectly. I feel that the Page of Pentacles is where my apathy will lead me to.

Connection Spread

I attempted to study Tarot this past summer but was not having any luck. The cards didn't make sense to me at all and the card of the day was never accurate. So when I asked my friend Amanda, who knows a lot more about the occult than I do, she decided to help me.

I was shuffling my cards when I told her I wasn't having any luck. I never know which cards to pick and think about it too much. She told me to do a Direction spread. So she also shuffled, thought about my situation and picked the cards. That was my past post.

After that spread made so much sense, I told her about my summer and that I was concerned that I wasn't connecting with my cards. She told me to ask my cards why I wasn't connecting with them and then to pull a card. I shuffled the deck and she said that she felt it was right so I stopped shuffling. I was drawn to two cards and I told her and she said that I should just go ahead and pick them both.

1) The World.
"With this card, the Fool's journey ends; he arrives at his destination. The goal has been reached and all the elements of a situation have been drawn into a synthesized whole.

You've reached a deep understanding of the issues that concern you. You've begun to realize that everything in life starts within and readiates outward, that your most private beliefs create the reality that you live. Everything is available to you. Now it's time to free yourself from restriction. Expand your horizons.

Completion, success, fulfillment. You're ready to reap your rewards and move on to a new phase. If you've been working on a long-term project that seems like it will never end, be assured that the conclusion is near.

Don't assume that your ultimate goal in life has been attained. This card symbolizes peak experiences where you move a step closer toward becoming who you really are. This is an intermediate period in which you may enjoy your triumphs before you begin again as the Fool. The World dancer serves as a reminder that the journey is the true goal" (MacGregor, 76).

2) Seven of Rods
"You possess the ability to succeed against all oposition. You're in an advantageous position. Face up to the situation, take a stand, don't hesitate to assert your own point of view. Because of its connection to wisdom and knowledge, this seven incorporates the skills in teaching, lecturing, and composing. It's sometimes referred to as the writer's card, but encompasses all types of elf-employment.

You're meeting the challenge, whatever form it takes. Your next step is to tie up the loose ends of the past and get on with your life. You triumph over the competition by making your own decisions nad relying on your inner strength and judgment" (131).

The first card is the intention of my cards. This card is on point. After I read the second card, I think the cards are trying to tell me to hang in there; they are saying that I will work through this slump of mine and will then be able to connect to them. The challenge that I am meeting is my apathy, which is the reason I wasn't connecting to my cards in the first place. (This ties into the Direction spread where the Devil warned me of my apathy.)

Now that I read the second card over again, I feel that I am in an advantageous position because of my public policy class, which will renew my passion. The cards are telling me that I will be able to connect to them.

Direction Spread

1. Your current life situation

2. The lesson you're learning

3. What you're moving toward

4. You're long-term objective

5. What will help you attain you're objective

1) The Devil.
"This card personifies temptation, burdens, restrictions, choices, and misdirection. It reflects belief in the surface rather than in the inner truth of a situation. Limits, boundaries, and being a slave to desires overpower innate good judgment.

The Devil represents your own fears; he is the path of least resistance. You believe that you can't do anything, that you're powerless to exert control over your life. In order to escape his bondage you must alter your thoughts and actions. It's time you realized that the chains that hold you can be removed at will.

Are you a passive chooser rather than an active chooser? If you let life's events make decisions for you, then you are passively choosing, trapped in inertia and feelings of hopelessness. Take charge of your own life and 'choose to choose.' The Devil can be exorcised by changing the pattens of behavior or thinking that keep you in a master/slave situation " (MacGregor, 66).

This card is on point. I have been apathetic lately and just passing by. I started feeling like this my spring semester of my sophomore year. I haven't been able to shake it off.

2) Eight of Pentacles.
"The focus here is on education-workshops or lectures you attend to hone your skills, or actual enrollment in a full-time program where you work towards a degree. You can turn a talent, hobby, or interest into a new career. You're an apprentice now and love every second of it.

You tackle a long-term task with excellent future prospects. Although you're still in the apprentice stage, you're hired for a job that requires more advanced knowledge and expertise. Your employer sends you to school or provides on-the-job training. Hard work and practical ideas have got you this far; good luck carries you the rest of the way" (164).

I feel like this card is telling me that my classes this fall semester will bring me out of my daze. I am taking Political Power and Public Policy with the most amazing professor; I waited a year to take this class with Professor Littman. I feel like this class will direct me where to go. I have an interest in social security reform but I have no idea how to get into that profession or even where to start. To be honest, I don't even know as much as I would like to about the subject. This class will show me everything I need to know. I've only had one class so far, but I can tell that he was well worth the wait.

He is a tough grader and I like that. I will be challenged and fairly evaluated. I will work much harder for this class than I have for any other class before because it is exactly what I want to do with my life. I want to actually implement public policy and I will finally learn how.

I feel like I was apathetic because I was lost. My sophomore year (2007) was an amazing year in which I grew internally. I learned through lost friendships and many experiences with my best friend and past roommate Amanda. I learned more about myself and grew spiritually. However, I did not make a complete change. Although my personal growth was fundamental, I did not unleash my potential. And because of that, I lost my passion for politics and policy. I didn't even pay attention to the news anymore. But this apathy was just my psyche's way of pushing me to explore and actualize my unrealized potential and this class will do just that.

3) The Lovers.
"This card is about choices, duality, and decisions that sometimes concern a love affair. It points to sudden and unexpected changes in a relationship, adjustments in your love life that work in your favor, a choice between security and some sort of personal risk.

Part of the Lovers' work is to make us aware of the duality of our own natures and how it affects our close personal relationships. It's associated with the sign of Gemini, the twins of the Zodiac.

A new relationship is just around the corner or a current relationship is about to go through big changes. You feel divided about a major issue or relationship in your life. Your heart whispers one tale, your head screams another" (51).

I am actually not sure what this card means but it will be interesting to see how it plays out.

4) Six of Cups.
"Old memories and new opportunities, childhood, children, nostalgia, and generally happy times form the heart of this card. Skills and abilities that haven't been used for a while are likely to be resurrected. A missed opportunity needs to be reconsidered; past efforts bring future rewards.

Are you passing up current and future chances for success because you prefer to dwell on past glory? If recollections of triumphs on your college's football field or popularity as a high school cheerleader fill you with nostalgia, rethink your current situation. Once you begin to believe that your best years are behind you, that will become your reality.

Remember the wishes and dreams of your childhood. Use those memories in your creative work. Something or someone from the past comes to your aid and provides inspiration and new energy. Don't allow wistful yearnings for things that probably never were to obscure your current goals.

Children and children's issues are also highlighted. This can refer to children in general, your own children, a teacher, a mentor, or a happy family event" (145).

I want to take back the optimism and passion that I once had. I want to see the world throgh a child's eyes and believe again. I need to stay focused and believe that I will fulfil my potential and use to use all of my abilities and energy toward my future career.

5) The Empress.
"She's the Great Mother Goddess in her guise as Ceres/Demeter, who created the seasons as a symbol of the ebb and flow of all human life. As Mother Nature, she governs the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. She sets our world in order and grants us the cornucopia of Earth's bounty.

She represents fertility, practicality, good luck and success. Her intuition and insight crosses genders. Her domain lies in emotions, feelings, inner promptings. In astrology, her mate is Venus, the embodiment of emotional love, sensual pleasure, and sexual passion.

Your life swells with abundance. You're a nurturer who takes in strays, eases people's pain, and soothes their anxieties. Your openness and receptivity make you a good listener and an excellent counselor. Your home is warm, inviting, and filled with good food. It's also your sanctuary, your sacred place. The Empress often refers to your own mother or someone with maternal traits" (46).

I think this is pretty much self-explanatory.

An Introduction...

The Fool is the most basic archetye; but also the most powerful. He represents "the unlimited potential of the human spirit...and his sheer exuberance leaves no room for doubt or fear" (MacGregor, 41). The Fool is like a child discovering the vast world for the first time and therefore seeks the truth. He does not doubt that he is connected to something larger.

The theory of Man in Microcosm supports such a notion. It states that "the human being is a miniature version of the cosmos [and] according to this concept, everything in nature has a parallel in human beings, and thus mankind and the universe are linked together in a system of correlations" (Woolfolk, 5).

The universe is not thrown together haphazardly; it instead follows a "cosmic dance" and the Zodiac is its choreography (West, 22). "The Zodiac is a belt circling the Earth [and] within this belt are contained the orbits of all the planets in our solar system except for Pluto," which has a wide path (Woolfolk, 303). "Also within this belt are stars, which the ancients arranged in patterns, called constellations. To the early stargazers most of these constellations looked liked animals, so this belt of constellations became known as the Zodiac-from the Greek word zodiakos, meaning 'circle of animals'" (Woolfolk, 303).

"The division of the Zodiac...is based fundamentally upon the beliefs that the universe is coherent and that numbers are not mere inventions of man allowing him to make purely quantitative distinctions but rather the symbolic keys to qualitative laws that govern the coherent universe. All esoteric traditions haev always sought to express the multiplicity within unity, and this has always involved the use of numbers, and the use of symbols; astrology is a particularly ingenious method of combining them "(West, 30).

The most basic step in the cosmic dance is the birthchart. A birthchart is a map of the heavens at the time of birth. It is composed of three components. The Planets, Signs and Houses are the tools used within the chart. Each plays a significant role; "Planets are the forces that act, Signs represent how the planet acts and the Houses represent where the planets act" (Woolfolk, 261).

But a birthchart is not set in stone. At birth, nature is prominent but nurture will soon take over. We have the ability to determine our own fate. The past shapes who we are and the present is our launchpad. Only through self-empowerment will the patterns of the present change and Tarot is the tool to self-actualization.

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*West, John and Toonder, Jan. The Case for Astrology. New York: Coward-McCann, 1970.

* Woolfolk, Joanna. The Only Astrology Book You'll Ever Need. Lanham: Taylor Trade, 2006.