The Hierophant

I was confused about this card. I've mentioned my reservations for this card when it came up during the French Spread. However, at the time I did the spread (August 09) I didn't quite grasp the meaning of this card. Here are some points I wrote down while trying to figure out.

This card is talking about a commitment and regularity to "daily exploration of a particular path." That path would be my spiritual path, not religious at all. :o)

This card is related to religion because just like religion, there is good and bad and it extinguishes black from white. This also ties into the concept of balance and Temperance.

It is about making your own decisions in defiance of an outworn value system, (which is where I was/am with the start of this whole Hierophant phase/step in the journey.

Also, the black and white of religion locks us into our own prisons of doubt and conformity so this is my old value system and I have to break free and examine it.

So maybe this restless feeling I was talking about earlier (Restless Spread) is coming from my wanting to clarify my value system/foundation.

Looking through my notes while I was writing all these thoughts down, I also wrote:

Looking back at my restless spread, I'm thinking that maybe the energy of the Hierophant is being expressed through my questioning of what I believe, what I have already been taught/through. What am I learning?

I want that deep spiritual connection to what I'm doing because I don't want to waste this semester because I feel like everything is coming into place this semester. Maybe I'm restless and lost because the last journey ended and now I don't have a specific path/journey in mind.

I know that I am a strong person and that I am a fighter but I want to learn more about myself.

I want to be dedicated to a journey-what's the next step in evolving/expanding my mind and my personality?

Short Celtic Cross

This spread was done before the September 23rd, 2009 entry was made. It follows the French spread. (I know, I need to work on the sequence of journal entries.)

1) Past Experience - Seven of Rods
"You possess the ability to succeed against all opposition. You're in an advantageous position. Face up to the situation, take a stand, don't hesitate to assert your own point of view.

You're meeting the challenge, whatever form it takes. Your next step is to tie up the loose ends of the past and get on with your life. You...make your own decisions and rely on your inner strength and judgment" (131).

2) Where You Are Now - Temperance
"In some decks, this card is called the Alchemist. It usually depicts and angel standing with one foot in teh water and the other on earth, indicating that the temperate personality links the realms of the conscious and the unconscious.

The word Temperance comes from Latin and means to mix or combine properly. The card itself indicates a need to mix and match until you find what is right for you.

Tranquility comes to you through your ability to maintain harmony and balance by the successful blending of opposites. You're learning to temper justice with compassion, success with failure, joy with sorrow. Moderation in all things is required. Compromise and tolerance for opinions different from your own take you a long way. This doesn't mean you must surrender yourself to someone else's agenda.

Romance: Compassion, cooperation, and forgiveness create a bond with your significant other that has been absent lately. Calm, open discussion about your differences and complaints bring about the results you want. Listen to your feelings, look honestly at the facts, then act.

Spirituality: The key to your personal path lies in harmony, peace, and focused attention on what you desire and need. Answers come to you through medication. You experience a state of peaceful repose by grounding and channeling cosmic energies" (64).

3) Near Future - Judgement
"A spiritual awakening. By the time the Fool reaches this point in his journey, he has learned how to integrate his everyday awareness with higher consciousness. He now possesses all the qualities that he has been seeking on his pilgrimage: enlightenment, truth, hidden knowledge, and a sense of harmony and contentment.

Valuable lessons have been learned; now put them to practical use. You've been given a second chance and you're ready to live a more meaningful existence.

Release the past and start fresh. This means pay off old debts, take responsibility for your life, and stop blaming and judging others.

Happiness doesn't lie outside of yourself. Honestly review your past actions, consider how you have used or misused your opportunities, then envision your future as you wish it to be.

Romance: Your relationships undergo a regeneration. You and your significant other either commit to make things work or call it quits.

Spirituality: You're approaching a crossroads, a switch in belief systems. You're primed for a change of direction or purpose. Go with it" (75).

4) Your Future Environment - King of Pentacles
"As the embodiment of worldly success and accomplishment, this king is the proverbial 'square peg in a square hole.' In his practical no nonsense way he keeps extending himself, slowly but steadily pushing upward.

Health: Tension may show up in your neck and shoulders, your stomach, and your knees. Your biggest enemy is internalizing sorrow, emotional pain, or anger; these emotions take up residence in your body and may turn to illness" (90).

5) Best You Can Hope For - Knight of Cups
"This knight's focus is on emotion and on the creativity that flows from it. A new kind of experience moves into your life. It buoys your spirits, stirs your compassion, and changes your beliefs about what is possible. This knight symbolizes the path with heart. Your tensions and loneliness ease as your emotions find an equilibrium that has been absent in recent months.

Spirituality: By taking the path with heart, a new country of the spirit opens up.

Empowerment: You delve into your deepest beliefs and emotions and reach and understanding about how they create what your experience" (102).

6) Outcome - Hierophant

Perfect Timing

Last weekend Matt and I almost broke up for real this time. It was extremely serious. We didn't, though. Well we were still bickering and there was still tension when we hung out for the first time since that dramatic weekend. I went home after hanging out on Monday and I just felt like something was wrong. I started getting jealous of Tamara, Matt's old interest and I was wondering what was going on because it was just so random that I knew it was something else.

Well, that night I was drawn to my cards and I didn't even shuffle the deck but I was drawn to these two cards.

1) Three of Swords
"Heartbreak, loss, disappointment: The news hurts. Your suffering can be quite literal. Your painful experience also may refer to the emotional aftermath of a broken relationship.

One way or another, intense feelings take their toll and cause you deep distress. These feeligs could be the result of a crisis stemming or longstanding problems between lovers.

It may become necessary to remove the cause of your pain through divorce or separation. Letting go of what no longer serves your best interests is sometimes the only way to end your pain. You probably feel that all is lost, but remember the adage: "This too shall pass." then the real healing will begin.

Romance: You've experienced enough heartache. Face facts and end the connection that has brought you so much anguish. The pain you feel at parting is nothing compared to the ongoing unhappiness of a miserable relationship. Evaluate the past patterns and the core beliefs that have brought you unhappiness and work on changing them.

Spirituality: Use your disappointments as stepping stones in your development. Look inside yourself for inspiration. Release old ideas and generate new ones. Surrender what you no longer need so there's room for the new order.

Empowerment: Acknowledge your pain, examine it, and work through it. Then let it go and move on" (171).

2) Eight of Swords
"You're holding yourself back from living life to the fullest. You project your fears and inhibitions into your surroundings, then you view them as obstacles. The limitations you perceive don't lie in the outer world. They are projections of your own inner apprehension and anxiety. Paralyzed by fear of the unknown, you're afraid to break the chains that bind you.

You're eaten up with dread and insecurity. Although you feel you're in an impossible situation, there is a way out. Remove your blinders and expand your ideas of what is possible.

Romance: Although you feel restricted, you're afraid to break your bonds and cut yourself loose. Perhaps you're lonely, or involved in an unproductive relationship. Either way, you refuse to see that you're holding yourself back" (179).

After I pulled these cards I felt much better. I realized that I was just being insecure because I wasn't sure if Matt was happy, since he needs something stable and we have been on and off. We have no middle ground, just extremes. I wrote him an email explaining my insecurity and that I don't want to drive him away because of it. I said that I don't want my insecurity to make him feel as if he is never good enough etc.

The next day the insecurity came back again and I thought it to be really strange because usually once I figure out the source of something I deal with it and move on.

Earlier today I was thinking about it and I realized that I keep comparing Matt to Frank. I definitely love Matt on a more deeper level because I am actually being challenged and we are more equal. I realize that I was acting like Matt sometimes does when he is selfish and unwilling to compromise sometimes in my relationship with Frank. Anyway, Frank made me feel secure all the time and we were just a better match emotionally. Anyways, I finally realized what I was doing and also realized that Matt will never be like Frank and I don't want to be the girlfriend who tries to change their boyfriend. That is just simply not fair.

Later we talked about it on the phone, and I was actually surprised that he was able to talk about emotions and our relationship so well. So basically, this surface insecurity was really pushing me to examine what was underneath. I was insecure because I felt like we had a communication break. We have such different personalities when it comes to communicating, and what I mean by communicating is being open and sharing what is necessary so that we don't bottle things up. This was very alarming to me because for the first time I actually acknowledged the fact that we are too very different people. We both admitted that we've been happier and than we barely have faith in the relationship now.

For him it is the stability issue. I knew that something was wrong and he finally talked to me and confirmed by suspicions. We both also agreed that we felt a distance since that horrible weekend. I was really upset because it was all brought to light for the first time. I can't think of a reason why I never thought of this before. Maybe I got caught up in the passion of the fights and it just so happened that this was the first deadly fight. It can be compared to Reagan and Cuomo and how their speeches, above all others, clearly define the differences in two American political philosophies.

Anyway, we didn't break up. After all, I chose to stay with him after that weekend because I love him so much and I got what I want so I have to deal with it since I asked for it. (This goes along with my realization that I was comparing him to Frank.) We both feel better now that we layed everything out on the table and we are not pretending that things are okay when they're not. We have acknowledged everything and even Matt says that he feels better knowing that I know how he was feeling (about the whole stability thing).

I feel absolutely better and I already feel us getting healthier. I love those damn tarot cards! They always know what's best for me...or rather I should say that I do haha!